At 13, I was sneaking into clubs pretending I was 18. 14, was filled with many pregnancies scares and back then I was completely open to the idea of abortion. ( Not today) 15, I was skipping school, and hanging out with older men. 16, I had a bad reputation going for myself; if you know what I’m saying. 17, I made the worst decision ever! My friend and I were talking on the phone late; I rushed off the phone to go sleep with this random guy. The next morning I found out my friend passed away in their sleep. 19, I applied to become a stripper with the goal of having a stable income when aging out of foster care ( thank the lord that didn’t work out) In my twenties, God began to turn my heart from the path I was going but I was still a hot mess.
You’re probably thinking why are you sharing these horrible stories friend. Maybe, your even saying that’s way too personal. But which leads to God’s goodness I don’t mind sharing. Also, these stories aren’t mine but they belong to the lord. I’m just the vessel telling the story. For many years I detached this part of my testimony. Effortlessly I can share my story of sexual abuse and childhood trauma; I was the victim. But exposing the parts of my story where I made poor decisions hasn’t always flowed like honey. As many are I was under the impression I already dealt with my pass. Becoming a “good girl” was enough I thought. I didn’t look back at it, I didn’t think about it, I didn’t cry about it and I sure didn’t mention it. When walking past the opportunities to engage in it I blocked it. I moved forward with life. I even pretended I never made those poor decisions. When people brought conversations with similar stories I didn’t engage.
Pretending caught up with me just about 2 months ago. My cover was blown forcing me to take off the mask. All it took was an invite to speak at an event. Yes, guys an event to speak at an event. I was asked to speak at a young women’s empowerment event. Ecstatic and filled with honored I was until learning the girl’s ranged from 11 to18 years old. Hearing the age group brought heavyweight of condemnation. Nothing exemplified a leader in me back then.
Many times I hear people say you have to “Let Go and Let God,”I think that’s all bluff if not explained in depth. Forgiveness is about addressing and coming to terms with what happened. You can’t get past something if you don’t know what your getting pass. Talking with God about your emotions is key. It’s highly suggested to ask God to come alongside you on the healing journey. Jesus is the best guide. But just to forget and let go of deep pain doesn’t work. I do want to mention some people get radically healed and some people go through the process. Honestly, if I didn’t go through a process I wouldn’t have a blog. The lord says cast all your cares and I’ll give you rest. Here are some ways you can have a conversation with God and cast your cares. Tell him why I’m hurting How this pain broke. How the pain has altered me. Ask God to heal my heart. Forgiveness also includes forgiving your self. Most of us think we are forgiving people but we hate ourselves. You can’t forgive while hating yourself it just doesn’t work like that. In Matthew 22:39 make this clear statement thou shall love thy neighbor as thy love thyself. Loving yourself means forgiving yourself. Do you get it? Give God permission to deal with your heart
Love you, Treasures but God loves you more. Part 2 I will share with you the lessons I shared with the girls.
If you haven’t accepted Jesus in your heart and you would like to, here’s a prayer you can pray and get connected to a local church.
Lord Jesus, for too long I’ve kept you out of my life. I know that I am a sinner and that I cannot save myself. No longer will I close the door when I hear you knocking. By faith, I gratefully receive your gift of salvation. I am ready to trust you as my Lord and Savior. Thank you, Lord Jesus, for coming to earth. I believe you are the Son of God who died on the cross for my sins and rose from the dead on the third day. Thank you for bearing my sins and giving me the gift of eternal life. I believe your words are true. Come into my heart, Lord Jesus, and be my Savior. Amen. This prayer is from Dr.Ray Pritchard found