Oh No: I Found Hidden Anger in ME!

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Guys! Your girl has ISSUES, yes I said it. I do my best to keep everything as transparent as island water.  Never do I try to persuade people I’m all healed up and perfect. Not HERE! Continuously, I’m going through different challenges and learning from them and writing all about it.

I have anger issues, and  I didn’t really learn this until 2 weeks ago. I’m a work in progress.  Looking in the mirror, I’ve found myself to be even-tempered, well mannered, and eloquent; However, I even fooled myself.  As a little girl, I was abused in many ways, but the most damaging was the verbal abuse. Words leave invisible, tough greasy stains.  As a child I knew the power negative words had; my adopted father used them to completely break me down every day.  I remember one time, my adopted father looked me in the eyes and told me I was ugly and he couldn’t fathom to look at me. He would also say things like I wouldn’t be of any value to anyone unless I worked in the sex industry. 

 I bullied people for years. The same harsh words my father used to break my spirit, I used towards others. Watching my peer’s breakdown emotionally made me feel powerful. The way I wanted to stand up to my father I did with others. I wanted people to fear me; deep down I wanted an adult to see my bad attitude and hold me until the little cheery girl emerged.  Yet, people just stayed clear of me and I became stone cold.  

Like many, I thought I was all healed when I walked through the church doors. Learning to be kind and trying to say all the right things doesn’t heal you. Neither does putting bible scriptures over pain. No one tells you how to heal deep wounds , only how to mask them.  I have learned that with prayer, understanding, action and consistency brings healing. God needs our willingness to heal; he doesn’t force us to heal because it requires collaboration. Boy, does God have a way of bringing a little bit of turbulence to expose hidden and abandoned things in our heart. Recently someone made false accusations against me. Trust me, we’re not even going to go into detail. God used this experience to show me the hidden anger in my heart.  As I begin to share with God the details around the issue, I heard him whisper two words. “Be Still.” After hearing this, I got angry with God. I wanted full control over how the situation would be handled. I began to think of words I haven’t thought of in a long time. I visualize yelling at the people who assassinated my character. I rehearsed it over and over until I felt like the angry little girl seeking power over her abusive, adopted father.  This brought me to realize its time to seek healing in that area. Can I tell you something? This wasn’t even the message I was going to write about. It was truly God inspired. When we don’t deal with childhood trauma, we are just broken adults holding teddy bears.

What is in your childhood that you haven’t dealt with yet?

Stay Awesome Treasures

If you haven’t accepted Jesus in your heart and you would like to, here’s a prayer you can pray and get connected to a local church.

 Lord Jesus, for too long I’ve kept you out of my life. I know that I am a sinner and that I cannot save myself. No longer will I close the door when I hear you knocking. By faith, I gratefully receive your gift of salvation. I am ready to trust you as my Lord and Savior. Thank you, Lord Jesus, for coming to earth. I believe you are the Son of God who died on the cross for my sins and rose from the dead on the third day. Thank you for bearing my sins and giving me the gift of eternal life. I believe your words are true. Come into my heart, Lord Jesus, and be my Savior. Amen. This prayer is from Dr. Ray Pritchard

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