As a little girl, I envision being a dancer; a pointe ballerina to be exact. Tiny black girl with big puffy coiled hair gelled up in a bun. Black leotard, with a pink sparkly tutu, and pointe ballet shoes. As I do a perfect Plie I search for the face of a proud father but everything becomes a blur. Every girl is born a Daddy’s girl and day by day and hour by hour it either increases or decreases. I longed to be the apple of my adopted father’s eyes.
At a young age, my adopted father made it clear; he had no interest in having a father-daughter relationship with me. Rather he desired a husband-wife relationship. As a little girl, I remember the many tears I cried in efforts to alter his mind but he was firm. He was so fixated on me being his ” special women”. I begged him ” Daddy can I just be your little girl. I never got a yes but his actions screamed no. The silent “no” altered my life in many ways. My perspective on men, relationships, mindset, behaviors and so much was tainted. Being transparent God just brought this pain to my remembrance. And now I need to seek him to help me heal. Sometimes we just tell our stories and we leave out the emotions and unaddressed pain; I’m guilty of this. Many times when sharing my story I share it as an outsider looker in never the person who experienced such pain.
For many years, I blamed my body, looks, behaviors for my adopted father’s poor choice. The thoughts I carried were: Was my butt too big? Did I look too pretty? Did I lead my adopted father on? I hated myself and completely disconnected from myself. I lost myself I had no feelings, no thoughts and I was an empty body. I didn’t even identify as female which came with many other struggles. If you would have asked me years ago about healing; I would have hopelessly told you I was too far gone. But year by year I have seen God’s healing in my life. I watched God take my ashes and exchange them for beauty. A great example of this is was my desire to sleep with random men. God replaced the desire with faithfulness to wait for the husband God has for me. God give me the desire to take showers because for years I couldn’t step in a bathroom, and undress and touch my body. I was fearful of being violated. I was lonely and isolated God placed people in my life who were patient and came alongside my journey.
Something I’m learning is God’s healing requires ongoing maintenance on our part. Rebuilding a healthy mind after Sexual Abuse can be tough but it’s not impossible. It just takes commitment and consistency. Here are some helpful ways to maintain purity after sexual abuse:
Ways to Maintain Purity After Sexual Abuse
- Guarding It All: Whatever is going to entice in a negative way run from it. This can include people, Tv shows, Music, environments, magazines. Anything that can re-opened doors. For me personally, I dont watch movies with sexual content. I dont party or listen to secular music ( Matthew 5:30, Philippians 4:8)
- Casting Down Bad Thoughts: Thoughts are going to come that are no longer welcome in your mind and you have to cast them down ( 2Corinthians 10:5)
- Reading God’s Word: One of the best ways to stay connected and align with God is through his word. One of my favorite promises of restoration you can find in (Ezkeil 36: 25-27) Believe the word of God
- Pray/ Spend time: Talk to God about EVERYTHING Whenever you remember painful things about the abuse talk to God, or write to him, or sing to it, or walk with him. Even things outside of abuse talk to God
- Understanding why God created Sex: I know I know let me explain. When you are sexually abused your idea of sex is totally twisted but it’s important for us to ask God to restore your perspective on why God really created sex. I dont know about you for many years I carried so many wrong ideas around sex. It helps to learn Gods intentions. So when we are in marriage we can healthy.
- Allow People To Come Alongside You: God places special people in our lives to correct, teach, love, mold and much more
- Mindful Of Men Interaction: Unfortunately, as I was abused I learn different ways to seduce and manipulate men. I always make sure I’m never alone with a man and I’m not being flirtatious or misleading. Be aware of your interaction
- Healing is Ongoing: Just because you feel good don’t stop the healing process. Keep going deeper. Talk to God and ask him to search your heart and show you areas where you need healing. ( Romans8:27)
- Learn the Role of a Father: When you’ve had an absent or a father who abused you its hard to see God as a father but the more you learn the real role of the father the more you will be able to accept God’s love.
- Envisioning A Healthy You: Many times after sexual abuse we have such a horrible image our ourselves in our mind. Begin to envision seeing a healthy you. See yourself a great communicator, great daughter, friend, supporter or anything.
- Fasting: One of the most effective tools for a breakthrough is fasting.
See you next week for Part 3. Have you read part 1? If you haven’t click here Purity after Sexual Abuse
-You are loved never forgotten
If you haven’t accepted Jesus in your heart and you would like to here’s a prayer you can pray and get connected to a local church.
Lord Jesus, for too long I’ve kept you out of my life. I know that I am a sinner and that I cannot save myself. No longer will I close the door when I hear you knocking. By faith, I gratefully receive your gift of salvation. I am ready to trust you as my Lord and Savior. Thank you, Lord Jesus, for coming to earth. I believe you are the Son of God who died on the cross for my sins and rose from the dead on the third day. Thank you for bearing my sins and giving me the gift of eternal life. I believe your words are true. Come into my heart, Lord Jesus, and be my Savior. Amen. This prayer is from Dr.Ray Pritchard found on website