The Real You Outside Of Trauma



It may sound a little weird but, for a while now I have struggled with being around healthy people. You know those hopeful, nurturing, good spirit, loving Joyful, funny, and fun kind of people to be around. When I’m around them I get sweaty palms and begin to feel disengaged and out of place. In conversations when they share their healthy views versus the dysfunctional views I have I easily lose confidence.

Sitting around the table with a plastered smile on my face the enemy takes me down the list of lies of how disconnected; I am from healed people. If I’m honest sometimes mentally  I’m breaking myself down or worst I’m judging the person sitting before me trying to find one thing out of place so I can have a false “one up on them”.  I admit this and aware none of this is okay. God says we are to never think higher of ourselves than we ought to.  When I’m around the table and I get the boldness to speak I tend to share the victim story. Because I haven’t quite discovered how to share more of me outside of trauma.

Many times people who experience trauma tend to center their entire identity around pain. Everything is sad if Debbie Downer had a cousin her name might have been Desiree Downer. ( Just a joke)   I know this was something I did for many years. And God is breaking me out of this very thing. When people asked me who I was I shared my pain. I knew nothing outside of pain. But the more I learn about God I’m able to separate what I’ve experienced versus who I am.  The deeper I go in God I learn about his love for me and who he created me to be. I was created to Love and to be loved.

As I take the time to learn about myself lately, I’ve noticed I’m pretty darn cool. I’m adventurous, I love a good challenge, I’m a writer, extremely creative and I love encouraging others and most important I’m God’s Daughter and his special treasure.  There so many healthy things I have in common with others. I’m capable of joining in on healthy conversations.  I  have hopes and dreams that I can share with others. Instead of pain. I can share the beauty the Lord gave me in exchange for the ashes. I have so much to bring to the table.

For those of you who don’t know anything about yourself, I challenge you to press into God and ask him what was his intention for creating you. Also the deeper you Go in God the more you shake off the dust of a victim mentality and put on the mindset of a Well desired daughter. God wants us to enjoy this life. No matter what we have gone through God guarantees that we will have joy. This joy we can share with others. So the next time you are reminded of your past you just go ahead and speak out the declarations God has spoken over your life. Here is some lesson God is teaching day by day as I embrace the journey of learning who I am outside of trauma:

  1. Stop feeling sorry for yourself: You can’t be a victim and seek healing at the same time. Healing requires you to embrace the pain and work through it. Victim mentality says over and over poor me. They should have treated me better.
  2. Stay Present:  Its so easy to keep playing the same hurt in your mind because it becomes familiar. But being present is the unknown and out of comfort. Embrace the very moment you’re in.
  3. Stop overworking: People who experience trauma tend to over overwork or overextend themselves to others. To avoid life. Helping people is great but with balance.
  4. Encourage yourself: After you spend time with God encourage yourself in the lord say 5 great things about yourself every morning to build your confidence. Building your confidence will help you when you are around strong confident people. You won’t be intimated.
  5. Relax: Don’t be so tense loosen up watch something funny. Spend time with friends
  6. Find common ground with others:  Join conversations that you can add to. If you love dogs and someone is talking about dogs join in.
  7. Don’t Compare yourself to others: A lot of times when we are in a room full of people we begin to pick ourselves apart and compare ourselves to other people. Don’t do it
  8. Share fun things about yourself:  There are greater things about you than pain. Share things you like to eat or things you would like to try someday.
  9. Positively Prep Yourself: When you’re going to be around a new healthy environment. Speak life into them in advance. I’m going to have a great time with the new people I’m going to meet. We’re going to have a great time. We are going to live and I’m going to feel connected.
  10. The Right To Healthy:  You have a right to have healthy associations, healthy conversations. A victim mentality says we can only be surrounded around people who will understand the pain. Do healthy things.
  11. Show yourself friendly: when you have been hurt you tend to build aa wall that you don’t even notice which pushes others away. Pray for God to break down that wall. And for him to teach you to guard your heart but not build walls around it. You can do all things through Christ who strengthens you.
  12. Stop Breaking People Down In Your Head:  Admit it, Repent and ask God to help you stop breaking people down in your head and dont be so critical of yourself an others.
  13. Fast & Prayer: Fasting and prayers have the power to break things.


Thank you so much treasured. You are loved by God more than you know. 

If you haven’t accepted Jesus in your heart and you would like to here’s a prayer you can pray and get connected to a local church. 

Lord Jesus, for too long I’ve kept you out of my life. I know that I am a sinner and that I cannot save myself. No longer will I close the door when I hear you knocking. By faith, I gratefully receive your gift of salvation. I am ready to trust you as my Lord and Savior. Thank you, Lord Jesus, for coming to earth. I believe you are the Son of God who died on the cross for my sins and rose from the dead on the third day. Thank you for bearing my sins and giving me the gift of eternal life. I believe your words are true. Come into my heart, Lord Jesus, and be my Savior. Amen. This prayer is from Dr.Ray Pritchard found on website

5 Comments Add yours

  1. D. P. says:

    This is beautiful Desiree. You express yourself so freely through writing. I’m glad to get to know you through this way as well. Thank you for sharing and for the advises. Btw! Love to remind myself that I am God’s little treasure. It stays with me 💛💋👑 💎 ☺️

    Liked by 1 person

    1. This was comment was totally a day maker 🙂 Thank you so much for reading and your a treasure. Super excited to see what God plans are for you on this season . God bless you 🙂🥰


  2. Suzanne Gero says:

    I am blessed to read your blog. It has great information for coping well!!!


    1. Thank you so much Suzanne for your kind words ❤️God bless you


    2. Thank you so much Suzanne means a lot o


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