My Adopted Mother’s UN- found voice taught me to avoid communication at all cost. My mom was like a turtle who retracted her head in her shell dodging any sign of confrontation or simple communication. My adoptive father screamed aggressively when needed to communicate instilling fear. When they had conversations my adoptive mother would freeze up and mute. But when my adoptive father left the room she would come out of her shell and muster up the courage to murmur everything she couldn’t say in front of him. At a young age, I mastered holding everything in without bursting. This created an internal battle of overflowing toxic thoughts and emotions I had no clue what to do with.
I became a particularly angry child who smiled on the outside when while screaming for help on the inside. My parents always told me to ” Fix my Face” when I revealed a peanut size of hurt or disappear. My parents had an appearance to keep and didn’t need me ruining it. I remember one day coming home from school being greeted by my mother who said: ” How was your day?” and I said ” it wasn’t good” I was reprimanded for not saying Okay” I was never able to share about the war that was taking place inside of my head nor my heart.
I would love to tell you at the age of 17 years old when I left my adoptive parents I became this great communicator. Because I was no longer was in that environment but that’s far from the truth. You see it was already in my blood. It was already my style of communication. I’ve shared with you in another blog post that just because we leave the war doesn’t mean we put down our weapons. I brought that same communication styles with me to work, school, in every relationship. This communication style destroyed, and many God Ordained relationships. One thing about Adulthood I love is you have a choice to grow. You have the freedom to create healthy lifestyles and values. As adults, we dont have to keep old hand me down unhealthy generational behaviors. We can ask God to show us what they are and ask for him to love on us and correct us. He can renew us he can strengthen us. Here are some tips I’ve been learning on becoming a healthy communicator:
Tips On Becoming a Healthy Communicator
1. Save the Sarcasm: When you need to communicate about serious things sarcasm can’t happen. When we are sarcastic our yes mean no and our no mean yes. We gotta keep it real. And say what we mean. Stop hiding behind jokes that hold some truth to it.
2. Truth vs Humiliation: You can be open and honest without humiliating people. Make sure when you are bringing up a hard topic you can find something the person has done a great job to mention. Confronting issues doesn’t mean people have to walk away feeling bad about themselves. End the conversation with something light.
3. Speak in Life: Speak Kindly, Speak patiently, Speaking Humbly, Speak hope, Speak Truth,
4. Dont be a Sweet-toned MEAN Communicator: Guys I’ve been guilty of saying some pretty harsh things to people with a sweet tone. Sometimes it, not just the tone but its the message and the body langue and delivery.
5. Get to the Point & be done: Dont keep repeating your self. Say it and it gets over with
6. Jot it Down: Sit down and make a list and think about the things you want to talk about
7. Imagine: Its important to visualize communicating with people in a positive way. Sometimes without even noticing we visualizing a conversation going wrong and then it does because we have already planned for it too.
8.PRAY: about everything. Seek God for direction on how to speak to people. How to love people. How to deal with things.
9. Make the decision to break generational curses: Breaking curses are not just declaring it. We have to learn and apply the healthy styles of communication. Just want to put it out there fasting breaks strongholds and things we need deliverance in.