People pleasing is an inner battle without a face. It walks around unnoticed and gets mistaken a lot of times for selflessness. In reality, people pleasing is rejecting our own needs to doing something just to avoid conflict or to make someone happy. Many kids in foster care become people pleaser out of the fear of being rejected or abandoned.
Many people cant remember or recall what led up to them becoming a people pleaser. For me, the moment was very vivid. Becoming a people pleaser stemmed from a look of disgust and abandonment from saying no to being molested one night. I remember stirring up enough boldness to stand up to this person and tell them no. The look pierced my heart as this was a person I loved very much and wanted acceptance and love from. This “look” played a major role in my adulthood up until God begin to do healing work in my heart. I embarked on a journey called people pleasing. (For respect, honor and for my personal healing I’ve made the decision to protect the identity of the person who abused me because my story isn’t to shame anyone but to bring light to the glory of God)
Friend: Hey Desiree can you do this for me?
InnerBattle Desiree: I really can’t-do that right now I have this to do. I dont want them to get upset with me or reject me.
Outer Desiree: Sure no problem, yea totally it’s not problem
When a child begins to feel safe and loved they begin to challenge others and take on their own independence. Some of us have missed this special moment because we have never felt safe and loved. This post is to encourage you it’s not too late. My Friend, I do have to tell you something. Come a little closer. People pleasing is a sin. In Matthew 5:37 the Lord says to let your yes be yes and your no be no. And if we are saying yes to things we need to say no to or vice versa we are sinning.
Whatever your reason is behind people pleasing ask for forgiveness and allow God to heal your inner wounds and break you free from fear. People pleasing isn’t something that can be dealt with in your own strength. I want to tell you from personal experience I have tried positive thinking to overcome this spirit. I would like to save you some time. Postive thinking doesn’t heal! Positive thinking is like mopping the floor with dirty water. The key is to renew your mind.When you renew your mind Jesus pulls from the roots. Pulling from the roots welcomes healing, deliverance, correction, and most important change. Postive speaking doesn’t declare Gods word. Speaking life does. Renewing your mind starts with honesty and telling God everything. When I say everything I mean the things shame would tell you this is just for us. ( drugs, lust, stealing, nights of crying after the abuse, WHATEVER YOUR STORY IS). It’s also helpful to study word the of God and write it down. Disowning all those negative and hurtful things thoughts. Renewing your mind is standing on the word of God when your emotions and feelings say different. Renewing is a process but you got the best partner JESUS.
Here are some of the things that have helped me break free from the spirit of people pleasing. It’s a process:
- Stay in the word and in Prayer
- Start sharing how you really feel with people who love you
- Understand sometimes people aren’t going to like the choices you make and that’s okay.
- Be okay with people being upset you said NO (it gets okay it will get easier promise)
- Understand Differences don’t have to = rejection
- Conflict doesn’t =rejection. A lot of us who have experience rejection try our best to avoid conflict because we are sacred. Don’t be. Conflict grow up. We must learn to respond correctly.
- Give yourself permission to have an opinion
- Think about yourself: many people who people please tend to put everyone before themselves please understand there is a difference between selfless and self-rejection.
- Give yourself permission to learn about yourself: Omg one time I went to the mall walked around and picked out something each of my friends would like and when I left the mall I realized I never saw something I would like for myself, to be honest with you I had no clue what I liked.
- Fast and Pray. People pleasing is a spirit. And the only way to break things so deeply rooted is through prayer and fasting. Check out Matthew 17:21
- Research the spirit of people pleasing you will be amazed by what you learn
- Learn about the plans of the enemy. Get to know God but know your enemy too
- Pick your battle: Once you start to find your voice you’re going want to start addressing everything be prayerful and ask God what needs to be addressed
I know you can do this with the lord on your side. Let’s pray together
Father, I just thank you for my friend’s life and bringing them to read a word directly from them. Father in the name of Jesus I bind the spirit of people pleasing. I break every stronghold and soul-tie which has held my friend down. I bind the spirit of abandonment and rejection. Father, we break every orphan spirit. Father, we speak identity over your child. Father in the name of Jesus I bind the spirit of self-rejection and low self-esteem. Father, I bind the spirit of fear and welcome boldness in the name of Jesus. Father, I thank you for increasing my friend’s faith and teaching them to put on their armor and be fully aware of the plans of the enemy. Father thank you for filling them with your love which is healing their brokenness and making them whole. Father thank you for the breakthrough you are doing in my friend’s life. If you would like to read more about my story check out Purity after Sexual Abuse.
You are not forgotten you loved more than you know