As a person who endured childhood abuse and trauma I learned to internalize emotions as a way to cope and to survive. If I was hurting I smiled, If I was overwhelmed and frustrated I smiled , When I was manipulated and tormented I smiled. I never really told anyone how I really felt. Without even knowing it we can pick up unhealthy survival skills and never stop using them when we are out of the abusive environment. How many of us are walking around with survival war tools and we have been out of the war for like 10 years. Me I’m totally guilty and that’s why I’m writing this post.
Internalizing is more dangerous then most of us really know. If we are internalizing our emotions and not really sharing with others how we are thinking or feeling we will begin to operate in deception. We are misleading people and giving false impressions. It sound a little harsh but we have to call things out at as they are. When we are deceptive we are lying with the potential to destroy and even kill. we destroy our relationships and we kill anything that could help us. Sounds just like the plans of the enemy right?
My freedom begin at 17 years old I left everything with the intention to never turn back. I was walking into the unknown but I felt God telling me I would be okay. I didn’t really know much about God at the time but I remember God telling me about Abraham and how he had to leave everything in order to gain so much more. From the outside it looked like I had it all but in reality I had nothing. So I left everything behind except for those survival tools which I never realize I was carrying. As I got older I begin to internalize even more with all of my relationships. A friend could say something I didn’t like and I would say it was okay. I would disagree in my heart but tell the person I was in agreement with them. As a Christian we have to call things out as they are. I may have started doing this because of childhood abuse but it’s a deceptive spirit and a lying spirit which is not okay. The word of God says .
Proverbs 27:6 “Faithful are the wounds of a friend, but deceitful are the kisses of an enemy.”
It’s not okay to mislead people. I know as some people read this they say that’s not me because I never meant to do it . Or we might say but I never had ill intention. Trust me I get it. Your not a bad person we just have to work on it. In many ways we have even deceived ourselves of the truth. What you begin to say is what you truly begin to believe. There is power in the tongue. A perfect example would be a lot of times when I’m upset I say I’m okay there are times I really think I’m okay and my heart is filled with rage or broken . I deceive myself because I begin to really think I’m okay and don’t get the help I need. This is the spirit of deception. If your like me with childhood abuse or trauma deception grew out of FEAR. I was scared to tell the truth at times. I was sacred of getting into trouble. I was sacred pouring out my emotions and being judged or misunderstood.
We have to take back our power and authority TODAY. God gave us freedom to express our emotions. We don’t have to be fearful anymore. What is the answer to really breaking free from this battle . The more you talk to God the more you will desire to tell the truth. Because where the spirit of the lord is there is freedom. God will begin to give you the desire to tell the truth. He will begin to Show you areas of deception . He will begin to correct you when you say you are okay and your not. How do I know this because I’m going through this process myself. Truth starts with God and it trickles down.
Can we pray together:
Father I thank you for the person reading this. Father we repent for being deceptive and lying in ways we are aware and unaware of. Father we bind the spirit of condemnation. We thank you for your conviction .Father we re-announce the spirit of deception and we command it to leave our way of thinking. We break every connection and every pact we have made with this spirit. Father we drop every survival tool we have been carrying and pick up the armor of God. Father we welcome the truth in every aspect of our lives. Father I thank you for the boldness to address, confront and to understand. Father I ask for discernment. Father we thank you for your love, forgiveness and grace in Jesus name.
Thanks for reading Treasures Remember you are loved more than you know. If you want to know more about my story check out this blog post Purity after Sexual Abuse.