Who would have thought a 45 minute conversation with my mother would change my whole perspective and attitude towards my mom. God has such a way of doing the unexpected and beyond expected. For many years I have carried resentment, UN-forgiveness, and hatred towards my mother for placing me in adoption. 5 years ago the lord placed my mother back into my life. I questioned God on many occasions and wrestled with the thought of having to honor my mother. I’m being real I promise I’m going somewhere with this post. I know I’m not the only kid who is adopted and has had a hard time honoring their parents or even the thought of it. But God used my mother’s story to peel off misconceptions and deep hurts. Courageous, resilience, determination, warrior are some of the words God used to describe my mother and the new angle I saw her from. Her story demolished words of slander family members spoke against her It was like I was seeing a whole different person. As she shared her story I felt God restoring the
power that stolen from her as she faced a lot of trauma and grief going. My mother searched for her children for over 28-31 years. One day when she went into a court on a church for her children a judge commended her for looking for her children and prophesied she would be reunited with her girls. 28-31 years later she is beginning to live out the dream of mothering. God is truly faithful. A lesson that pours out of my mothers testimony is
we must keep fighting and keep standing on God’s promises. My mother held on to the word spoke over her life. After hearing my mother’s story I wrote this poem because I felt l like many times we don’t look at adoption much from the birth mothers perspective.
Forgotten Tears of a Mother
I never thought of the other side of adoption, to be honest, I only saw a baby in a crib longing for her mother with her arms reaching high. I never thought of a mother reaching for a baby that would never arrive in her arms but in the arms of child welfare . As the child grows up and wanders about their identity the mother wonders if her identity is bashed, slander and made out to be the mother who didn’t care. A mother carries the guilt of feeling like a suspect when in reality she was a victim of what felt like a baby robbery. Carrying a sweet baby for nine months to be told your unqualified to be a mother so you don’t get a turn. You’re left wondering if your child will ever know you put up a fight for them. Will they ever know you fought tooth and nail. Or will they know your life felt incomplete because you was the missing piece. You felt life wasn’t worth living but you held on to the faith of God bringing renunciation.
A prayer for the for birth mother: Father God in the name of Jesus, Father I bind the spirit of condemnation , guilt, shame, depression , oppression and every tormenting spirit that says your not good enough. I break every curse spoken over your life . I break every chain that keeps rehearsing all the trauma Father in the name of Jesus I declare you fill every mother out there with your love, your forgiveness your grace , your redemption your salvation. Father I speak life over them father I declare you give them give strength father I declare there ears hear joy,. Father your words says those who are weary and burden you will give them rest father I declare rest over these mother . Father I declare their is justice where there needs to be. Father for those who have been falsely accused we declare lord you take revenge. . Father we declare you open up their eyes to joy. And father you fix their eyes on you. Father speak reunification . Father we declare supernatural miracles over each and everyone reading this.
Love you treasures . You are loved not forgotten.